She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
