my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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