u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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