Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
