I didn't shave. On purpose
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
