Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A+ Viking dick
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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