Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
