Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
