He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
