If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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