I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
