How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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