Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
