My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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