I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
