RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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