Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
