Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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