Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
