I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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