Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
