Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
