i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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