Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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