The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
