and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
