Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
