Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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