Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need a beard to bite.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
