Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
