awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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