Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
