I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we made out on top of his cat.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
