good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
