This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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