Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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