Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
