none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
