And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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