That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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