i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i love accidental penises.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
