The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
