K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
