a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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