I wannas sexs uuuuu
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
