woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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