And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
