He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
