He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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