thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
