2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize