why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am spending my child support on dildos
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
either way he was missing a nipple.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
