I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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