Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
