no, he came in my armpit
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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