I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
