we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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