How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
