Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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