I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
