I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just had sex on a roof
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
