Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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