i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
