dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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