Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
