; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
