I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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