So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
