yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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