The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
